I was in line for school pickup on Friday when I read the email from the district letting me know that I would be homeschooling my children for the foreseeable future. Then I looked at my weather app and had a minor panic attack. Rain for the next 8 days. I freaked out in my car taking many deep breaths thinking about all of us trapped in one house with nowhere to go. I pictured the kids in our tiny backyard with rain gear watching the rain come down because I couldn't take having them in the house any longer. "It's fine. I'm fine. It's gonna be fine. It's fine I'm fine," I told myself.
I feel like a super spoiled person freaking out over something as dumb as my kids being home for the next month and rain making it even worse with them not being able to play outside. But I know any of you with four kids would totally feel the same way. You get it. It's a sanity thing. I'm afraid of how I will treat my children more than anything. And the stress of homeschooling them so they don't go back to school dumb and the stress of protecting my family from the stupid virus and not being able to hang out with people who help keep me sane doesn't help the matter.
The thing that scares me about this virus is needing medical care and not getting it. The virus probably wouldn't be terrible by itself but the ripple effect like hospitals at capacity, no food available, businesses shutting down, people getting stabbed for toilet paper and on and on. The reality of what is happening is setting in. I was in a state of panic all day Friday. I'm okay now. I'm just taking one day at a time and really being intentionally thankful for everything I have. Things I bought on a whim and shoved in my freezer are now such a great thing to have. I'm thankful for all the food we have in the pantry and fridge so we don't have to go out and wait in a line at 6AM for milk and eggs.
I'm thankful that I'm married to a man that is always prepared for the worst and planned ahead for this whole thing. He told me to stock up before it got bad and I did. But had I known my last trip to Costco would be my last trip to Costco for the next few months I would have bought so much more. But we're fine. I can plan what tomorrow looks like but that's about it. So that's all I'm doing right now. If I think about next month I start to panic a little bit because I have no idea what next month looks like.
Anyway, I'm not sure how I feel right now. There's an underlying feeling of anxiety in me that's never been there. Deep breaths are harder to take. I've never experienced anxiety that I know of. Now I have a taste of what it feels like. I've been walking every day and that helps. And the bible is such an awesome book, always applicable even in a time like this so I've been reading it and praying in the morning for peace in my heart and health for my family, especially for Dan as he goes to work and puts his health at risk.
With that said, it is kind of nice not to have any commitments whatsoever. Like zero. Can't say I can ever remember a time when I didn't have to be anywhere for weeks at a time. It's also nice that if you have to go anywhere on the freeway, there's no traffic. Rush hour doesn't exist right now. It's weird and great all at the same time.
Some people are socially distancing themselves a little more than others. We're on the cautious side. The kids aren't allowed to hang out with other kids or people right now. My neighbor came over to drop off some jeans she thought I could use. Of course I took them. I'll never turn down free jeans in my size. Angus greeted her this way, "Ayuse me, you have da wona bywus?" (excuse me do you have the corona virus?) She didn't understand him so I thanked her and closed the door.
I never stop taking pictures of the kids so here they are:
The beginning of COVID-19 spring break.
The girls dressed up Angus and called him Addie all day. He loved it so much he cried the following day when he was Angus again.
Mya and Dan circa 2011
Still the biggest daddy's girl ever.
Addie is working on understanding that she can't wear tights by themselves. This was our compromise.
There really is no good time to talk about the way I make eggs. So why not now? My kids know no different way. It's a combination of scrambled and fried. I break the eggs over the pan because I don't want to waist a bowl to stir the eggs in. Then I scramble them with my spatula. Then I let them be. Then I flip them. Viola. Scrambled fried eggs. The kids love them. They don't look like much but they sure are tasty.
This is me walking my usual trail with no make up because it just seems pointless and frivolous right now. I love passing fellow walkers and saying hello because it's the only social contact we're getting right now.
And now, some of my fave memes because what is life without humor?
I have one recommendation. It's not from Trader Joe's or Costco because haha that's nuts. It's a book. I listened to it on Audible. The App. I'm not a fan of Jessica Simpson. Well I wasn't really. Now I kind of am. She reads this book herself so it's very personal when you listen to it. She chokes up when reading sad parts. It was so good that I kept my earbuds in all day and only took them out when someone demanded that I hear what they were saying. So there you go. I don't think I've ever heard anyone be so honest and open about their issues before. It's such an awesome, well written book. Oh and if you don't have the audible app, the first book is free.
And that's all folks. Take care. Wash your hands. And do some yoga via youtube.
Happyish Tuesday night!
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