doing what I do

Where is the time going? Seriously. Posting weekly really makes the time go crazy fast. Before I know it, it's time to post again. But it's all good. The material keeps a comin' =)

The love between my kids really softens my icy heart. Angus tells everyone multiple times a day that he loves them. Well, accept Winter because he can't say her name. But I'm sure he loves her. 

It's nice when Dan is home. We're still outnumbered but not as much.

You will find Angus naked most of the time because he takes his underwear off to go pee and leaves them off and I don't even notice he's naked from the waste down until someone comes over and I'm like, Oh sorry, we're potty training. 

Ugh funny but not funny story about that. So, Angus has been doing really well. No accidents really. So I let him get cozy in our bed and watch a truck show. Dan thought I was crazy to let him hang out in our bed without a pull-up but I assured him he would be fine and if anything happened I would wash the sheets and blankets and he wouldn't even notice.

Of course he peed and it made a giant wet spot on both sheets and three blankets and the waterproof mattress pad. (Thank goodness for that)  I said, "Angus do you have to go peepee??" He replied, "I did!" and proceeded to watch his show. I shrieked and investigated and sure enough, he did. The last blanket is washing as we speak. I like to sleep with the window open a little bit, even in the winter time, hence the 3 blankets.

Celebrating Mardis Gras. 

I'm really kind of bummed that Angus has such a strong opinion about his pants. They must be comfortable. And buttons and zippers are the enemy. So he prefers jammies. And "mimmon" ones are his faves these days. I used to be able to dress him up so cute... 

He is the first one of my kids to stick to his guns so hard that he would rather be spanked 10 times than do something he doesn't want to do. I often have to pin him down into his car seat and strap him in while he screams because he doesn't feel like going anywhere and would prefer to go for a bike ride. He is strong willed, super loving and very emotional. But cute. There's that.

These two... 

I found this unlikely pair in the same bed. Usually Mya has no patience for the littles, especially at night. And I have no idea where this zebra face mask came from.

This is her fave hairdo these days. So cute. 

People frequently ask me how I'm able to handle four kids. These are usually people with no kids or one or two. In my mom's generation, people had four kids all the time. It wasn't a big deal. But for some reason it's a lot these days. I think I have it pretty good. My husband helps a ton when he's not at work, we have a nice home and a dependable car and we're usually doing okay in the financial department. Thanks Honey <3 So my life is easy when you look at the rest of the world. And also, I have Jesus.

But I was thinking about how I've changed from having one and two kids, to three and four. Slowly, and I'm not sure when it happened, I stopped caring about what my life was supposed to look like. How my kids were supposed to look, how my marriage was supposed to look, and how my parenting was supposed to look. I do what I do and I don't really care if it is what others think I should do. I've let go of normal. And what is expected.

By nature I'm a nice girl without any strong opinions. I'm on the fence about a lot of things and often can see both sides of the argument. I'm a people pleaser and I don't like conflict. So this type of parenting is not in my nature. But I guess it developed out of necessity. 

There's no way to do this raising kids thing unless you do it the way that is best for your family unapologetically. If you simply let go of the things that make your life hard and embrace the things that make your life easier, it really helps. 

Things like pacifiers, putting the kids to bed with a bottle, letting my 5 year old walk down to her friend's house by herself, spanking my kids, giving them freedom to make choices. There is a way to respect others and respect your way to raise your kids at the same time. With all the different personalities of parents and children, there is no way two families can apply the same rules to their families. You can parent in similar ways, but there are still going to be many differences when you compare two homes and the way they work.

I remember what it was like to have my first baby. I remember my mentality. And so I can see where a mom would disapprove with the amount of TV I let my kids watch or shake her head when I grab a box of crackers off the shelf at Target and give some to my fussy two year old.

I know that most moms do a lot for their kids. And that's because they love them of course. I love my kids too but I don't do a whole lot for them. Mya (8) and Winter (7) pretty much do everything themselves. And that is because I simply don't have time to do it. They bathe themselves. I have no idea what parts they're washing but I'm sure it's good enough. They get ready for school by themselves. They get dressed, do their own hair, make their lunch and eat breakfast. And sometimes they even make dinner. They pick up the whole downstairs area daily. They clean their rooms. Not willingly of course but it gets done. They can both operate the stove, microwave and toaster oven all by themselves. I dated a guy that didn't know how to scramble an egg in his mid 20's. My 7 year old makes a mean scrambled egg. And she'll have some waffles going in the toaster oven and cut up some strawberries while she's at it.

When I don't want to go to a party or a play date or a night with the girls, I simply say, no, I can't right now. How freeing is that. And it's true. I can't do all the parties, play dates and nights out. And that's totally fine with me. 

So, basically, the key to having four kids (or 5 like my friends the Andersons and the Higerds down the street) and not going insane is learning to say no. No we can't go to Johnny's birthday party. No, I can't chaperone your field tip. No, we can't join Red Dragon Karate. No, I won't make your lunch for you when you are perfectly capable, and you have plenty of time to do it since you wake up at 5:30AM. No, you can't stay up late because you have school in the morning. And no, I don't want to go out. I want to watch a movie in bed and fall asleep before it ends because I'm tired.

I have come in contact with sooo many people with strong opinions about how people should raise their kids. And to them I say, thanks for the info. Then I do what I do.

where's my shoes

I had to take my car in for an oil change. My mechanic shop happens to be across the street from an awesome breakfast place so I figured it would make sense to just go out to breakfast with my littles rather than wait at the shop. I let them both have apple juice which may have been a bad idea in hindsight. The combination of the sugar in the apple juice and the syrup on the pancakes amped them up and they were both yelling and giggling the whole time. Addie dropped her apple juice on the floor but that wasn't super horrible. The waitress acted like it happened all the time which I appreciated. 

We are in the underwear phase of potty training. I think he's pretty much got it. I'm very pleased with his progress. 

Also, Angus is now officially taller than Addie. He will be three in May and Addie is well over four. They are both about the size of a big 3-year-old. 

But it just adds to Addie's cuteness and still allows her to get away with just about anything.

This morning Mya forgot her shoes at home. We got all the way to school and just as we were pulling up, Mya said, "Where are my shoes??!!" I'm still puzzled as to how this happened. Don't ask her about it. She gets very embarrassed. 

Mya is a third grader and I'm totally feeling it. I remember third grade. It was tough. Both scholastically and socially. She comes home with many mean girl stories and frustrating friend situations. I like to tell her stories about my third grade experiences. She loves hearing about them. Here she is working on her current project on the Great Sequoia National Monument. She continues to keep her sweetness and confidence. Being the first born, she is always the first to experience everything. I love the front seat I have to this crazy season of life.

I spent President's Day weekend in Bakersfield at my sister's of course. She hosted a ridiculously amazing ladies' weekend. I can't even describe how enjoyable it was. Here's just a few pics. 

She left baskets of treats on the bed of each lady. 

We were welcomed with an over-the-top tea/champagne complete with amazing sandwiches, scones, cookies, cake and more. 

The Almond trees a block away were blooming and holy cow gorgeous.

We went out for a champagne brunch Sunday at a local fancy hotel and it was more amazing than I expected. I had three plates of food. Three. And I'm not quite sure how much champagne because the waitress just kept filling up the glass. 

We booked a paint night pro and painted this amazing painting. The Blue Moon Goddess... My kids were sooo impressed. But they didn't want the painting in their room for some reason... hmmm. 

The weekend flew by and left me not exactly well rested because I didn't sleep as much as I should have but I had loads of fun and got to hang out with grown ups for a change. =)

home sweet messy home

"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God."

-1 John  4:7

Happy Valentine's Day! I've never really been into this holiday. Dan and I don't really celebrate it. I get stuff for the kids to remind them that I love them. It is a good day though to remember to love one another.

So potty training has kept me mostly at home lately. It's hard to practice while out and about, not to mention scary and inconvenient. So I like to keep my potty trainers home a lot until I feel like they've really got it down. But as a result, the laundry is suffering, the place is a mess and there's a lot more fighting and more of mom losing her mind. But it's just temporary... well the potty training part at least.

Angus is doing impressively well. Potty training a boy is quite different. They can't just sit down and pee. There's a skill involved. You either gotta point that pistol down or stand up which is dangerous I've heard. You never know where it's gonna go. Angus proved that to me at church a week ago. He's been using his little potty at home and that's easy because he's naked so he just sits down and puts his hands on the floor in front of him so his peepee goes in the toilet. But it's a little more complicated when the potty is off the floor and his pants are around his ankles and there's no floor to lean on. 

So there we were, in the church nursery bathroom, trying to figure out the best way to go. I tried to stand him up but he refused and became very noodley. I figured I would just have him sit on the potty and rest on me as he leaned forward to get a good angle. It seemed like it but I couldn't really tell if he went. Then he said he was done, leaned back and peed a steady stream on the stall wall in front of him. And he just looked at me like nothing was happening. Thank goodness I was at his side and wasn't in the line of fire. It was an impressive amount of pee all over the door and the floor. I cleaned it up and told the nursery lady he went potty. She congratulated him and he smiled proudly. I didn't get into details.

The other day, Addie told me that people grow bigger and bigger then we grow smaller and smaller then we die. I explained to her that we don't grow smaller and smaller like Benjamin Buttons. Elderly people lose an inch or so but that's it. She said, "No mom. We get smaller and smaller. Winter told me." We asked Winter about it and she was under the impression that my mom and Grandma used to be very tall. But since they were older they were shrinking. I told her my mom had always been 5 feet tall and so had Grandma. (Probably why Mya and Addie are so tiny) She wasn't convinced.

This is my mom Donna and my Grandma Wilda (my dad's mom) who lives in Las Vegas. We went out to visit her last October to be there when she was baptized. She's 91 and doing amazing. Yay for genetics huh?

How adorable is my mom. She looks so great. It could be because she's vegan. Crossing my fingers I'll look this awesome at 70. She's actually sick here haha.

Somewhere along the way, I figured out a good trick to getting my littles to obey (sometimes) without bribes or threats. If you have a little one you may already do this. With Mya I would just tell her to do something and she would do it. But with Winter, I had to get creative. I found that if I let her choose between two things, I could get her to do what I needed her to do. Instead of telling her to put on her shoes, I would ask her which shoes she wanted to wear. And when she would pick them, I would ask, "Do you want to put them on or do you want Mommy to help you?" That way, she felt like she had power and control when she really was being manipulated haha. Addie and Angus are both strong willed as well. How did I get three of those? Dan uses this trick with me. He'll ask, do you want to do the dishes or put the kids to bed? Do you want to take out the trash or empty the dishwasher. It totally works. I don't even realize I'm being manipulated until after the task is done. Genius.

When you're a mom of four, you can't really do anything well. You wear so many hats that there is physically no way to do any of them well. So you just do what has to be done and learn to prioritize the urgent and the non urgent and sometimes even some of the urgent things have to wait. Sometimes I feel like I suck at all of it. But I quickly remind myself that no one person could do it all and do it well. No one could have a clean home, spend time playing with their kids, help with homework, cook healthy meals, teach kindness, discipline well, offer encouragement, exercise, take a shower, put make-up on, have a clean car, clean kids, etc. etc. There's just simply no way. There's way too much needed and not enough of me to do it.

Sometimes I tell myself I'm lazy when I sit on the couch and look at the dishes in the sink. But then I remember... I endured 4 9.5 month pregnancies. (It’s not 9 FYI) Four years of nursing babies, one million times buckling and unbuckling little ones in and out of car seats, 2 million tantrums, potty training times four, four years of homework battles, 8.5 years of grocery store nightmares, 8.5 years of not enough sleep, 3 million diapers changed, 5,000 shoes tied and 10,000 noses wiped. Nope not lazy. Just tired. But happy.

Februarying

I kind of helped with a big treasure swap at church last Saturday. Anna (the tallest pictured below) is the amazing lady who put it all together. A swap is when everyone brings their gently used items they can no longer use and everyone goes home with someone else's stuff. I've been to about 10 swaps and as of yet, I haven't seen anyone fighting over the same thing. Swaps are usually the highlight of my month. This one prompted the early spring cleaning last month when I went through all my stuff and put everything I didn't want or need in boxes and bags for the swap. It's a dream of mine to own my own thrift store. Mari and I have agreed that we want to do that together one day. Here are a few swap regulars.

Angus's hair was in his eyes big time so I decided to give him a little trim in the bangs department. Dan came home and said, "What's up with Angus's hair?" Winter chimed in, "Yeah it looks pretty horrible." Then Addie added, "Yeah it's DISGUSTING!!" I told them they were the worst family ever and called to schedule haircuts with our favorite kid haircut place.

Angus before. Okay it wasn't amazing... but it got the hair out of his eyes.

Better.

No more tangles. 

My favorite haircut on Winter.  Mya didn't get her hair cut. She's still growing it out. You'll see it below. I felt super smart having Angus, the one with no patience, go first, Addie with very little patience, go second and Winter with some patience go third. But my proud feelings disappeared when Angus started yelling APOOOOP! I checked his pull up and sure enough, apoop. I was using the truck to help with the swap instead of my van with all the pull-ups and wipes and convenient seat that folds down into the perfect little spot to change a poopie diaper. Winter was just starting her haircut so I figured I'd just have to wait until she was done and then I could take Angus home and change him. He kept yelling APOOP and the whole place stunk and the receptionist gave me some disgusted looks but I pretended not to notice, paid them and left with poopie Angus. 

Story time with Addie... I like that in her version, it's Adam's fault. And the serpent is actually a lizard.

Potty training creates a bit of a stressful circus type environment around here. Even more than usual. Especially when Dan is working. It's usually relatively peaceful in the mornings when the kids are at school. But then they come home and everyone needs help. Mya needs help with her math upstairs on the computer so I'm running up and down the stairs. Winter needs me to sit with her while she reads so she doesn't skip the hard words or make up her own sentences. Angus needs me to change the show he's watching every 3 minutes or he freaks the freak out. And he needs reminders to go peepee in the potty or that he isn't allowed to sit on the couch when he's naked. I'm occasionally cleaning up accidents or rewarding him with candy. Addie needs me to cut strawberries or open an apple sauce pouch or put on a movie upstairs in my room because she isn't into Angus's garbage truck videos. Angus does most things with no pants these days so he doesn't pee or poop in his pull-up. Here he is making dinner.

Sometimes when Dan is home to watch the littles, I run to the store after I pick the big girls up. It usually starts off well and I buy them a pretzel and juice or something like that. Then we stroll happily through the aisles talking about their day. They ask me for junk food and I tell them calmly that we don't buy that stuff. Something happens and I go from happy to mad. And it usually ends with me telling them to stand somewhere far away from me while we check out because I'm done being patient and nice. I'm always smiling going in and frowning and snapping at them on my way out. They are a work in progress and so am I.

Dan has a very green thumb. I love that he teaches the girls about plants because my thumb is the opposite of green, whatever color that is. 

This stage of life is by far the hardest but it is the most fun I've ever had.