know thyself

Now that I am in my late 30's, I feel like I'm really getting to know myself. I can clearly name my strengths and weaknesses; things that make me happy and things that don't.

I am made a certain way. God made me more practical than creative. More laid back than anxious. More positive than negative. More extrovert than introvert. I lack mom skills like creativity, empathy, affection and patience. I'm not a good housekeeper and I'm kind of all over the place when it comes to getting anything done. But that doesn't mean I'm not exactly the mom God created me to be for my four little people.

In my 20's I thought adult ladies should be good at certain things. It sounds dumb I know. But I really think I believed that. Now I realize that is so very incorrect. We are all designed to be incredibly different.

For instance, I don't enjoy putting a whole lot of effort into hosting parties. I love spending time with loved ones. I even love having people over. But I have found that paper plates and plastic utensils are more my speed than matching china and cute table centerpieces.

My sister loves to decorate her amazing long table for Thanksgiving. She takes the extra time and effort like putting each family member's picture where she has chosen for them to sit. She is great at making things look amazing and it brings her joy to do it. And it makes others feel special. That would totally stress me out and I would not enjoy it. That's not one of my gifts. When Dan and I got married, I suggested we elope so I didn't have to plan a wedding. We compromised and went to Hawaii and kept it super basic.

I do however think I am good at making people feel comfortable in my home and creating a clean, laid back space for them to hang out in. Both ways are great but Wendy and I have separate gifts and we've learned to use them accordingly.

I've learned that I'm not into fashion. I just want to wear something that looks cute and is comfortable. Heels are dumb. I can't even walk in them. Wearing my hair down makes me want to pull it out. I'm not a fancy lady. Most days, I'm a flip flop, messy bun with a tiny bit of mascara lady. I refuse to sacrifice comfort for fashion. And Dan has really appreciated that I can get ready in 2 minutes.

I've also learned that I'm not crafty. If I put forth the effort, I could probably make something pretty cool but it doesn't really bring me joy to do it. Sometimes I make cards because I don't want to take four kids to the store with me. That's just being practical. Plus it saves money. The cost of cards is ridiculous these days.

I have seen some amazing crafty things made by friends that made me wish I could knit or sew or scrapbook. But then I remind myself that that's their gift, not mine. I probably wouldn't really enjoy sitting on the couch for an hour while knitting slippers. I tried learning to sew and had no patience for it at all. Maybe I will later in life. I'm not one of those moms who makes cute little homemade gifts for the teachers and puts together little gift bags to hand out on holidays. I'm totally fine with that.

I do love to plan and organize. Filling out my giant dry erase calendar each month makes me more excited than I care to admit. And I love writing in my bullet journal. If you don't have one, google it. It's basically an organized way to jot down notes. I find myself smiling while I write my master Costco list.

And my whole adult life I felt like I should be someone who reads books. The truth is I would much rather watch the movie. I get about one third through any book and lose interest. But that's cool. I'm not a reader. Not sure why I thought I should be. Probably because I equated books with being smart. That may be true but that doesn't mean I need to read books. If I'm not smart by now, I don't think reading books is really going to help.

I'm not sure why it has taken me this long to figure out that it's okay that I don't like doing certain things but I'm glad that I'm aware of it now. It makes life a lot easier. Now that I've given myself permission to be exactly the way God made me, it has become easy to say no to things that I don't like doing and yes to things that matter to me. And I'm more patient with myself when I'm not good at something. It's just not one of my strengths.

If you're like me and you are slow to realize these things, start paying attention. It's fun getting to know yourself.

Oh and you can take this personality test if you are in to that kind of thing. I'm an ESFJ, The Consul.

Sorry if this was more Amie info than you really wanted. But it's my blog. So yeah.