i'm a mommy

I had a conversation with my 89 year old grandma the other day about what it looked like to raise kids in the 50's. Back in the day, women stayed home and raised kids and took care of the home. That was all they did. She hand washed everything, hung it on a clothes line to dry in the sun and ironed everything. They had cloth diapers that she had to hand wash. They did have a diaper service that some opted for. She cooked everything on the stove or in the oven and never had the option of "nuking it." She also hand washed all the dishes and dried them and put them away. But even though chores were a bit harder, life was so much simpler. She knew what she needed to do each day and she did it.

This is my Grandma. Her name is Dora. She's holding my youngest. She is one of the funniest people I know. Mostly because she thinks she's going to die any day. Fortunately for us, there's nothing wrong with her.

I've always wished I grew up in the 50's. I love the music and the way they dressed. I love how innocent the children were. I'm sure there were those rebellious kids that pushed the boundaries just like there are today. But for the most part, people waited to have sex until they got married, 12 year olds didn't shout profanities at each other and families sat around the dinner table. It was before drugs took over and before women showed their thighs and midriffs. Before tattoos and before body piercings. It was before cell phones, ipods, internet, washing machines, dishwashers and microwaves. It was simple. I think that although the chores were harder, it was easier to focus on your children and husband. That's all they had time to do.

Being a mom today is bit more complicated. Technology has given us freedom to be moms while juggling other hobbies. We have a million things we could be doing in our spare time. Literally a million. Thanks to Pinterest, Facebook and endless blogs, we never run out of ideas. We feel pressure to plan perfect parties, make awesome crafts with our kids and have an awesome house full of clever trendy décor and repurposed furniture. We are made to feel like we should fill every minute of our time. And if we don't, we are lazy.

Currently, I have every day of the week filled with activities. I get up to work out at 5:30 AM 4 days a week. I run about 4 miles 3 days a week. I have a bible study on Fridays, a MOPS group that I lead on Thursdays and drive an hour to have dinner at my sister's house on Friday nights. I also volunteer at a school on Wednesdays, then I go to my grandma's house to do bills and make phone calls and other various things she needs done around the house. Wednesday nights we are part of another bible study down the street. Oh I forgot about the book club I'm a part of that meets once a month. That of course requires taking time to actually read the book.

One would think that I would feel accomplished at the end of the day but I'm just exhausted. My house is a mess and my girls are on the go most of the time. I rarely spend time in God's word and by bedtime I'm so tired that I pass out as soon as my head hits the pillow. I tried to set up a play date with a friend at church and had no free time to give her. My poor husband comes to bed to cuddle etc. ;-) and all I want to do is sleep. Two weeks ago, I decided to start training for a marathon ha! I didn't realize how ridiculous that sounded until my husband laughed at me when I brought the books home from the library. He really wanted to be supportive but he has seen how tired I already am at the end of each day and asked me to think about it. I've decided it can wait.

At first, I tried to fill my week so I didn't have to stay at home with my girls. Usually, they just end up fighting and crying and I go insane. So I decided to spend my time outside of the house. I got a little carried away.

I've always had this idea in my head that being a mom wasn't going to interrupt my life. I would still do the things I've always done like spend time with friends, be crafty and creative, keep my house clean, cook like a chef, look fabulous for my husband, maintain a healthy sex life all while being an amazing mom. Somewhere along the way, I've lost touch with friends, have no time for being creative and what is a mop? Rarely do I make a healthy, tasty meal. The looking fabulous part? ha! I can't remember the last time I had my hair done. My roots are about 6 inches now. I had a pedicure about a year ago. And I find no need to go shopping for cute new clothes because I am likely to get pregnant again and be sad that I can't fit into my adorable new skinny jeans. I already talked about being too tired most of the time for a roll in the hay and I am nowhere near an awesome mom but I'm trying.

Sometimes I wish that I could go out to dinner at 8:00 with my single friends or take a road trip to Vegas or Napa on a whim or help my sister plan fabulous Oscar parties.

God has been reminding me a lot lately that I'm a mommy now. This is supposed to be my focus. This is His plan for me right now. And there is nothing wrong with stopping everything else and just focusing on being a mommy. My kids should not be an interruption. They should be my life.

This season in life is not one that came naturally to me. It has been a bit of a shock and harder than I could have ever imagined. I am raising PEOPLE. Little people. That is not a small thing. I have decided that the house will not be clean most of the time and my husband may have to live on less lovin' and friends will have to see a little less of me. I can't spend much more than 30 minutes a day reading the bible or a devotional, 10 if I'm honest. I can wait until my 40's to look fabulous. And I will have time to be creative when my kids are older. But right now, their little minds and hearts are being shaped and I'm missing it.

The devil is sneaky. He just gives us little distractions that pile up until one day we realize that our priorities are nowhere near where they should be. So my prayer lately has been to keep my priorities in check. I need to put God and my family first and my pride and vanity last.