I've been thinking a lot lately about two pieces of advice I received a while ago that have been extremely helpful lately.
The first piece of advice is this: Have a CAN DO attitude.
I was talking with a fellow mom at church (who some of you know) who had 5 little ones including a set of twins who were under 2 at the time. She always seemed like everything was okay and she could handle it. She never sweated the small stuff and seemed to just keep trucking along with a smile on her face. I asked her, "How do you do it? I seem to be barely surviving with 2!" (I had a 2-year-old and a 6 month old at the time) Her wise reply was short and simple. "I try to have a can do attitude." She said with a smile, slightly winded from pushing her twins in a double stroller up the hill. I think I said something like, "hmmm." I needed to think about that one.
That is easier said than done. How does one just have a can do attitude about kids or life for that matter? It's not easy and it takes work but it can be achieved. Like anything, it takes practice and lots of prayer. At the time, I didn't think it was possible for me. I simply put it in the back of my mind to store with all the advice I had received from other wiser moms. I have always been a glass-half-full kind of girl so I know I'm not the only mom who suffers from a negative attitude most days.
There are so many reasons to dwell on the little things that make you mad, upset, defeated, angry etc. I listened to an awesome sermon last Sunday given by my pastor, Ed Underwood, at Church of the Open Door. It was on the book of Philippians. The message was simply that you can't let your circumstances steal your joy. There are those who are constantly upset because of what is happening to them. Then there are those who are always looking at the silver lining no matter how bad their circumstances. Paul was beaten, shipwrecked, imprisoned, tortured, you name it. But he was always thinking of others. I'm not 100% sure about this but I did read all of Paul's letters and I do not recall a complaint. This is because his focus was not on himself. And he was a flesh and blood man. It's easy for people to say, "Of course Jesus could do it, he's God!" But this guy was just like you and me and he demonstrated exactly how we are to live our lives.
It has taken me about 4 years to figure out that this is the secret to good parenting. At least I feel that it is. I'm sure there are other secrets out there but this has really helped. And it's funny because I've been given this advice more than once and let it go in one ear and out the other. I should have grabbed it and really used it before now but oh well, live and learn right?
Having this kind of attitude is a process. You can't just wake up one day and change your attitude. It takes work. I've prayed for God to change my attitude because I can't do it on my own. I need to start my day with God, even if it is just a small prayer like, "Lord give me strength and patience to get through today. And please keep reminding me that raising my girls is a super important job that you have given me the privilege of doing." It also helps to do things that encourage positive thinking, like little bible verses on the fridge or keeping a journal or a list of all the good things that are happening and forgetting the bad ones that get me in a tizzy. I keep note pads around the house and just write down funny, amusing, sweet things that my kids do or that someone else did for me like my husband picking roses from the back yard and putting them in a vase for me before leaving for work. Those things help me count my blessings instead of my grievances. Also, something I haven't done yet but plan to do is to have a pad of paper on the fridge where I write one thing I am thankful for that day. It can be anything. Sometimes I remember what it was like to do dishes by hand and am so thankful for my dishwasher! Little things like that keep things in perspective.
Like Paul did, we have to think of others in order to avoid feeling sorry for ourselves. I need to constantly remind myself that my kids are my priority. I need to be thinking of them instead of myself. That is hard to do a lot of the time because they have so many tiny needs. But if I think of them as little people being shaped for the future my thought process when disciplining, or even just helping them finish a puzzle or dress a baby doll becomes important and not just some dumb thing I have to do again. That goes for my husband and other family members. If I put them first and do the things they need, it does nothing but help my attitude and let them know they are loved. It's a win win!
I write these blogs to remind myself of these things. I think even if no one read it, I would still blog. It's therapeutic and helpful. We are all learning things every day. I love asking for advice from women I really respect. Next time I just may take it the first time!
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