1. Your body will take a constant beating. I'm not even talking about pregnancy and childbirth here. I'm talking about the constant day to day abuse your body will experience by simply taking care of kids.
While trying to put Addie into her car seat the other day she grabbed the handle up top and stopped my momentum and somehow I managed to hit my nose on her head and bump my head on the top of the car at the same time.
While quickly reaching for a bowl of Cheerios with milk in it that was about to fall off the side of the table I managed to give myself whiplash… I had a sore neck for the rest of the day.
I have been bitten by teething babies more times than I can count. Probably about 50.
Dan trips over toys and steps on small sharp objects (legos, Barbie furniture, blocks) all the time. He can't see them... Something having to do with his glasses and depth perception?
I'm usually in a hurry so I am always stubbing my toe, bumping my shin on a table, running into corners on shelves etc. I have bruises all over.
While quickly reaching for a bowl of Cheerios with milk in it that was about to fall off the side of the table I managed to give myself whiplash… I had a sore neck for the rest of the day.
I have been bitten by teething babies more times than I can count. Probably about 50.
Dan trips over toys and steps on small sharp objects (legos, Barbie furniture, blocks) all the time. He can't see them... Something having to do with his glasses and depth perception?
I'm usually in a hurry so I am always stubbing my toe, bumping my shin on a table, running into corners on shelves etc. I have bruises all over.
2. Your skin will come in contact with a ridiculous amount of poop (or pee or vomit) all the time. Just yesterday I woke up at 4:45 with Angus as I often do, about 50% of the time. I grabbed a blanket and laid down on the couch while he played. I didn't make coffee in hopes that I would get to take a little nap until Addie woke up. I snoozed off and on while Angus would come over to the couch, smack my face then crawl away and play with a ball or something. Addie woke up around 6 and joined us downstairs.
We are still potty training so I had to remove her diaper to force her to put her peepee in the potty. She's doing great as long as there's no pull-up or diaper to go in. Usually I just take the diaper off of her while she's standing up. It saves time. And there never is any poop in it. She poops after breakfast... usually. Not this particular morning. This morning she took a nice big wet dump before she came downstairs. And normally I would check to make sure the diaper was just pee but I was still half asleep so I took it off with one hand and out rolled a tennis ball sized piece of poop. I reached out to catch it with my other hand... why? No idea. It wouldn't have been the end of the world if poop landed on our kitchen floor. It wouldn't have been the first time. WHY?! Why did I catch the poop? I looked down in a daze at the large piece of poop in my hand. It was wet and squishy. I've been feeding Addie a lot of fruit pouches lately to make her go. It was a good idea I thought... As soon as it registered, I screamed and ran to the trash and threw the diaper and poop in. Addie screamed EEEEWWWWW! I ran to the sink to immediately washed my hands 8 times with soap and scalding hot water. Gross. I have about 10 more equally yucky stories I've probably shared on this blog.
3. You will easily pee when you sneeze, do jumping jacks or laugh too hard. I don't need to elaborate too much on this one. But I will say that I have learned to do a curtsey type cross my legs move when I need to. A friend of mine who shall remain nameless sneezed the other day and I heard her say, "Dammit, I forgot to cross my legs. Now I have to change." Poor girl.
4. You will physically age a good 5 years per kid. Your knees and hips will start to make noises, new wrinkles will form around your pretty eyes and your fit parts will become jiggly parts. Fun new spider veins will appear on your legs too!
5. Weird things will happen to your hair. It will start to curl in places and fall out in others. I actually thought my hair was thinning but it turns out it was just pregnancy stuff. Then one day after Angus was born, I started to notice it was filling in again. Dan was like, "Did you always have really short curly hair sticking out around your hairline?" I was relieved it was back but not pleased with the way it made me look... crazy.
6. You will never get a straight 8 hours of sleep again. There are too many things to wake you up now. You may have to pee in the middle of the night or you hear a sound that could be someone breaking in to steal your children (that turns out to be the ice maker) or your baby is teething or your 2 year old has a bad dream or your 5 year old gets up at 3AM for a cup of water or your 6 year old hears your 5 year old make a sound that she thinks sounds like she may throw up but really she's just eating something in her sleep. OR the dogs ate some playdough and now they are making pukey noises and need to be taken outside at midnight... see what I mean? You will be forever tired... until the kids become teenagers and then you can't wake them up.
I'm going to stop here. There are so many things I would have liked to know... not that I wouldn't have had a bunch of kids but it would have been nice to have a heads up to mentally prepare.
Okay, they're worth it.
3. You will easily pee when you sneeze, do jumping jacks or laugh too hard. I don't need to elaborate too much on this one. But I will say that I have learned to do a curtsey type cross my legs move when I need to. A friend of mine who shall remain nameless sneezed the other day and I heard her say, "Dammit, I forgot to cross my legs. Now I have to change." Poor girl.
4. You will physically age a good 5 years per kid. Your knees and hips will start to make noises, new wrinkles will form around your pretty eyes and your fit parts will become jiggly parts. Fun new spider veins will appear on your legs too!
5. Weird things will happen to your hair. It will start to curl in places and fall out in others. I actually thought my hair was thinning but it turns out it was just pregnancy stuff. Then one day after Angus was born, I started to notice it was filling in again. Dan was like, "Did you always have really short curly hair sticking out around your hairline?" I was relieved it was back but not pleased with the way it made me look... crazy.
6. You will never get a straight 8 hours of sleep again. There are too many things to wake you up now. You may have to pee in the middle of the night or you hear a sound that could be someone breaking in to steal your children (that turns out to be the ice maker) or your baby is teething or your 2 year old has a bad dream or your 5 year old gets up at 3AM for a cup of water or your 6 year old hears your 5 year old make a sound that she thinks sounds like she may throw up but really she's just eating something in her sleep. OR the dogs ate some playdough and now they are making pukey noises and need to be taken outside at midnight... see what I mean? You will be forever tired... until the kids become teenagers and then you can't wake them up.
I'm going to stop here. There are so many things I would have liked to know... not that I wouldn't have had a bunch of kids but it would have been nice to have a heads up to mentally prepare.
Okay, they're worth it.
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