Well I hate to post yet another blog filled with complaints but I try to keep it real and Tuesday morning was THE craziest awful morning. I mean wow, unbelievable. This is kind of a long story, only because there are so many details that were part of this horrible and now a few days later, slightly comical morning. And it had nothing to do with my children for once. It actually made me appreciate the fact that I get to hang out with them and do not have to deal with annoying coworkers or the crazy public on a regular basis.
So a couple of weeks ago, we were rear ended on the way to school. No biggie. Accidents happen. It wasn't bad. I actually felt sorry for the high-schooler who had obviously never been in an accident and was crying and frazzled, especially when she saw that I was pregnant and had kids in the car with me. I used my mommy voice and calmed her down and walked her through the process of exchanging info and told her that accidents happen and that was what insurance was for and everything would be fine. No biggie.
WELL. Tuesday I took my van to the body shop to be repaired. I expected maybe 15 minutes at the body shop and another 15 minutes with the rental car place and back home within the hour. I was told by my insurance and confirmed with Hertz (best rental car company ever, NOOOOTTTT!!!) that I had a minivan reserved for me. So I took my banged up Odyssey down to the shop and patiently waited for my ride. (I guess that's how it works. The rental company picks you up from the body shop and brings you back to get your new ride) I waited. And waited. And waited. 45 minutes and several calls from the body shop to Hertz to verify that my ride was coming, I was still waiting.
And as I waited, I met my first inappropriate stranger that day. A lady in her 50s entered the body shop and sat down. After a few minutes, she said, "Excuse me, hi, have you heard about the new study involving pregnant women using cell phones?" "No." I said, "Does it give your baby cancer?" I asked sarcastically while continuing to use my cellphone. "No! Actually, they have found that women who use cell phones while they are pregnant tend to have hyperactive children!" "Hmmm, interesting." I replied trying not to be too rude but already in a bad mood. She then proceeded to tell me her thoughts on cell phones in general, which led to how little we know about stuff that is hidden from us by the companies trying to sell the products like cell phones, which led to the decline of our country, our joke of a president and how we should be reading the internet and listening to talk radio, not watching the news and so on. She talked and talked and talked until I excused myself to use the restroom, cursing Hertz the whole time.
After what was supposed to be 10 minutes max turned into an hour of waiting, my ride finally pulled up. It was a nicely dressed Jamaican man with a very old car. He called it his Limo. He was the 2nd inappropriate stranger I met that day. As soon as I got in his SUPER smelly car, I was overwhelmed by the awful smell coming from the man AND his car. I quickly rolled my window down all the way and kept it down on the freeway. My hair was flying around from the wind but I didn't care because it smelled SOOO bad. SO bad. A minute after getting in the car, smelly man asked me how far away I was. He kind of had an accent so I didn't really understand what he was asking. "You mean where do I live? Azusa." "No how far?" he repeated pointing to my belly. "Oh" I said, "I have a month left." "Oh!" he said. "You're not very big at all! You got a good body." He said in his accent. "Most women are so bloated at the end." Wow, I didn't even know what to say. I think I said thank you and immediately got on my hyperactivity causing cell phone, praying he was just trying to be nice and not going to take me somewhere and chop me up into tiny little pieces. What a weirdo. Who says that?
After 15 very awkward silent minutes, we made it to Hertz safely and started the rental process. As soon as I walked in the "office" the place wreaked of the smelly man's smell. I felt bad for the others who had to work with him. The place was super rundown and dirty. There was no AC on even though it was 85 degrees outside and there were flies attacking me as I waited. Why not?
Smelly creepy man then took me outside to show me my "minivan" which did not look like a minivan at all. "What is that?" I asked. "Oh he said, well it's the equivalent to a minivan. It's an SUV but it seats seven." He proceeded to try to sell me on the car that wouldn't work for me and my family at all seeing as though the children would have to climb through the trunk in order to get to the very back seats. And I need sliding doors. Once you have sliding doors, you can't go back to regular ones. I know I sound high-maintenance but I guess you just have to have a minivan and 3 small children and a 4th on the way to understand. No SUV would do, not for a whole week, not even for a day.
"Yeah, this isn't going to work for me." I said. "I need a minivan. I was told I would be getting a minivan. Do you not have any available?" Then he nervously asked, "Is this not big enough?" Ugh idiot! So irritated at that point. I called super pissed off sick Dan who was watching cranky Addie way longer than he planned and getting more irritated by the second. He told me to get a ride back to our van because there was no way we were taking the SUV they were trying to give us when we were promised a minivan. I explained to him that the driver was super smelly but he insisted I go back to the body shop anyway. I don't think he would have asked that if he had the pleasure of smelling him but whatever, I just wanted to go home. So I called the body shop to verify that they hadn't started work on my Odyssey and they apologized for everything and told me to come back and they would take care of me.
So back to the body shop I went with the smelly creepy man who decided to take a newer car this time. Maybe he heard me complaining about the smell? Maybe hanging my head out of the open window the whole way there clued him in. I didn't care. But in the new car, he decided we needed to listen to loud satellite radio uncensored rap music with F bombs every 2 seconds. Yes, back in the day I would not have minded the profanity but come on, do I look like a gal who bumps raunchy rap music? I wanted a minivan for crying out loud! And how unprofessional! I'm not making this up! I'm not even exaggerating. This was my actual morning.
Well, the body shop totally stepped up and handled the situation and got me a minivan with Enterprise, AND a very professional non-smelly man was waiting to take me to my new minivan as the smelly man and I pulled up to the shop. Hallelujah, thanks guys. I was driving my new stand-in Town and Country home 15 minutes later.
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