chaos and quiet

These days I'm solely on survival mode. I'm not really sure how I'm still functioning, especially on those days when Dan is at work. I know a lot of it has to do with God given strength and endurance I plead Him for day after day. 

It seems like I'm just handling need after need, request after request. There's breakfast to be made, butts to be wiped, milk to be poured, pacifiers to be found, lunches to be packed, homework to be checked, fights to break up, a whole lot of whining and crying (mostly by the kids;)) and food to be quickly shoveled in my mouth followed by baths, goodnight hugs and kisses... and repeat the next day. There's a lot of yawning and yelling on my part.

BUT sometimes, I find myself in the middle of a quiet room with a sleeping baby. These are my favorite moments with Angus. His chubby little arms are hugging me as he sleeps on my shoulder. There really is nothing like it in the world. But then my arms get tired 'cause he's like the size of a two-year-old and I have to put him down. 

here and there

I took advantage of a nice cool few days a couple of weeks ago and pulled out the double stroller and took the babies for a walk in the mornings after drop-off.

Winter and Grace making "soup" with expired stuff I was throwing out. (Spinach, stewed tomatoes, corn meal, corn starch, hot chocolate mix and leaves) Mari's idea of course. Brilliant. I was skeptical wondering what I would do with the mess once it was time for clean up but with the help of my strainer it was not bad.  

Winter got mad at me because I laughed at her when she walked up to me like this. "It's not funny!" She says. That dog. Too much.

What do you wear to a Mexican restaurant on a Thursday evening? Princess dresses and tiaras of course. "Cumpleanos?" They asked. "Nope, just a normal day" I replied. 

saying no to amie

Addie is so fun sometimes =) Today I was trying to drive from the church (where I meet with my mom's group) to Mya's school to drop off a book she left in the car. I should have turned right out of the parking lot but made a left for some reason. Then I missed another street I needed to make a right on. So I yelled, "Oh man! Where am I going!" to which Addie replied, "What?!" She always asks "what" when I exclaim anything in the car. "It's a good thing no one is in the car with me but you babies! They would think Mommy was an idiot!" I said. She laughed hysterically like she totally understood what was happening.

I do a lot of driving these days. Usually school drop offs, school pick ups and Target runs. This little passenger who once used to scream her little head off in the car is now a pretty good traveler. I looked back the other day and she was almost asleep. We were coming home from my mom's house and it was close to bedtime. I often look back at Addie and she is so relaxed in her car seat. It occurred to me the other day that she totally trusts me. She has no reason not to.

As a passenger I am never relaxed in the car. If I'm not in control I'm kind of on edge. Looking at Addie reminded me of how I am supposed to trust God. Fully and completely. Body and mind relaxed and no anxiousness. There is so much for me to be anxious about these days. 

I like to get stuff done. I like results. I like an organized home, a fit and trim figure and checking things off of my to do list. I just can't do all of that right now. There is not enough time in the day. I can only do what I can, and that bothers me. And I know it is just a season. I know it will be back to normal...ish once Angus and Addie are a little older. I've been through this with each new baby. For some reason it is just so hard for me to just let go and be a mom. 

I continue to try to make new exercise and diet plans for myself only to fail miserably the very next day. Or I'll see some cool meal on Facebook or Pinterest and buy ingredients for it that just sit and go bad in the fridge. I don't have time to make a salad. I think I eat more granola bars than the kids do. I try to organize the closets but can't finish and end up with a bigger mess than I started with. And I'm always blogging when I should be in bed. Sometimes Dan reminds me that it's past my bedtime. I hate not being able to do that stuff. Obviously. I tried to only blog on Mondays and look how that turned out... It's Thursday. I'm working on it.

But I get this nagging feeling day after day that I need to just let go of all of that and be a mom right now. God is telling me through His Holy Spirit to trust him. He's telling me to listen to His plan, not mine. 

I've had to tell myself no a lot lately. I literally have discussions with myself. It goes something like this: 

Oh man I should do that!

But I have so much laundry to fold. 

I shouldn't do that. 

I should do laundry... oh and dishes.

Okay I don't have time to do anything but laundry and dishes. 

But I really want to do that. 

I would enjoy doing that.

Okay no. That's silly. There's no way I can do that right now. 

Okay I'm not doing that.

I guess four kids is the magic number that consumes every last drop of time I have. Recently I decided that it is okay to say no to the Amie that wants to do do do. Anything more than just being a wife and mom right now is just added stress. My kids don't need that. My husband definitely doesn't need that. Things I would normally do like school fundraisers, volunteering in the classroom, going to birthday parties, planning play dates, getting together with old friends, organizing fun activities for the kids, baking banana bread, catching up on my shows, and on and on, it's all going to have to wait. And it is okay to say no. And it is freeing to say no. I don't have to do that stuff and I just can't right now. period.

 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6 

weekend in bako

What a weekend! The babies are so exhausted that they're taking an extra afternoon nap while I blog. 

So we all know that Bakersfield doesn't have the best rep. However, two of my favorite pastors come from Bakersfield so that's something. When you drive through on the 5 it's just not impressive. But driving through this weekend it's not so bad. Just looks like a regular city. And it's newish since a lot of it has been built more recently than SoCal. 

My sis Wendy and her family moved there in August because they heard it was a pretty happening place. (Tongue and cheek Wendy!) Her hubby also found a great job there. There's no way I could stay away for too long. So, Dan stayed back to hold down the fort, get the carpets cleaned and go to work. And my mom and I headed north with all the littles. 

Of course there was a brush fire that shut down the freeway but since we said a prayer before we left, AND my moms phone navigation is way better than mine, we were able to go around the whole thing and wave to the poor suckers stuck on the 5. 

We finally reached our destination and wow. Such a nice house! I don't know what I expected but I was really impressed. And my sis, being the insane hostess that she is left us gift baskets on our beds complete with boots for the girls to walk around in all weekend. Too cute and sweet. I got a few pics of the house but most of these were taken by Mark or Wendy. I was too busy with babies. I didn't get pics of the front of the house (beautiful by the way) because Angus was screaming by the time we got there. He calmed down when I took him out of the car. But then Auntie Wendy answered the door and screamed because she was so excited that we were there and he started screaming again haha. Not one for loud noises that one.

Here's the pasture complete with two goats and a neighbor horse. The goats eat all of the weeds. Their names are Coffee and Beans. More pics of them later.

The backyard and pool. Pretty right?

Organic veggie garden!

A charming little sitting area...

And lots more I didn't get pics of. Here are the girls in their PJs and boots the next morning. They couldn't wait to get out there and visit the animals again. Most of the pics are of Winter because she is kind of one with the animals and Wendy couldn't help but snap pics of her with them. She's not afraid one bit. Neither is Addie. Mya is a bit leery. She's like that with most things in life actually. (She has yet to ride the escalator at Target) It takes her a while to trust people and animals =) I feel you Mya. That horse was huge. Totally intimidating.

`

The girls were in hog heaven with all the animals and space to run and play. Winter just wanted to hold the chickens. Poor things were in a very close space so they really had no chance of escaping her. 

Who smiles when being attacked by a chicken?

Not sure what Mya's doing... She's way too far back to feed the horse.

Winter handed Addie a chicken. Addie's like alright, give her to me. Here she is holding the chicken around the neck... poor guy. Oh and try not to judge Addie's fashion choices. These are her PJ's and her mom has 4 kids and no time to find matching jammies. As a matter of fact, tonight as I type this, she's wearing Angus' clothes to bed. Camo pants and a striped long sleeved shirt. 

My bro Mike and his family came out for the weekend too... Ethan is just a few months older than Addie so they had fun.

Mya's way back there keeping a safe distance from the goat. I think this one is Coffee...

And this one's Beans. Beans has diarrhea so they had to tackle him, lasso him and feed him Kaopectate... Yep. Wendy's a farmer now...

Addie chased the goats around with a bin of hay saying, "Hee go goggy, hee go!" She calls all animals doggy. We all said goat, horsie and chicken over and over but she insists on "goggy" so goggy it is. 

Wendy wanted to make sure we got a pic of the goat snot on her pants. Can't really see it but it's there!

Here they are bathing Beans' behind because it got a little dirty from the diarrhea. 

Two aunts and an uncle joined us Sunday too and we all went out antique shopping. Not exactly my first choice with little children but they did really well and I found a few things. And there was a little 50's diner in the store too so that was fun. More pics of the whole fam are on Facebook.

The farmers

I had to get a pick of Wendy's boots. From Manolo's to Durangos =)

big ol' legs

Well it's not blog Monday but here I am posting =) Look at me.

Angus really could have choked to death this morning. As I was scrambling to make coffee, breakfast, lunches and more, I handed Addie a bag of raisins to stop her from whining and get her off of my leg where she loves to hang out when I'm super busy. No time for a bowl or a snack type container, just a big Costco size bag. So I'm cracking some eggs while heating up some oil in a pan while spreading PB on some bread when I look over and see Addie smiling next to Angus with a satisfied grin. Angus is sucking on something. I said a bad word several times praying he was just sucking on his lip but when I stuck my finger in there, I pulled out about 6 raisins out of my 5-month-old's mouth. I checked his breathing just to make sure he wasn't silently choking and said a prayer of thanks. Ugh, toddlers.

I was never a baby person before I had babies. I'm not really a baby person now honestly. But I definitely get it. As my friend Melissa would say, they are just delicious. So soft, squishy, happy and sweet. This guy just keeps getting fatter and I'm loving it. I love his little chubby fingers, his double chin, his massive thighs and rolls and rolls.

 We are almost at the big 6 month mark. I love 6 months. It's when he can eat solids which means I can leave him for a longer period of time without him needing to be fed. I actually started him on cereal which he loves of course. Hey that's a huge deal especially because he's pretty spoiled and won't take a bottle. Six months is also when I let me babies cry themselves to sleep. Pure torture. However, once they've learned to put themselves to sleep, they sleep forever without waking ME up in the middle of the night. Hallelujah. Then I can start living on some type of schedule AND start sleeping again. Right now I'm definitely sleep deprived. I couldn't figure out my 1st grader's math problem tonight. I could share it but I won't because it's too embarrassing. I was once in advanced math. A long time ago. Anyway, looking forward to sleep. But in the meantime, enjoying every day (and night) with this little chunk.

I had to get a close up =) Check out the skin rolling over the ankles. Wonderful.

Every time my babies approach a new size I look through their outfits for my favs and try to get a pic of them wearing it before I put it in storage or give it away or sell it in this case. I'm part of a mom's online yard sale where I sell anything and everything I'm getting rid of. So I posted this sweatshirt for $5. It sold super quick so I had to get a pic of him in it of course. He can wear the hat for another year or two. 

Go Dodgers.

left over beach pics + miscellaneous

These are some more pics from the beach somehow I missed. Okay sorry for the gross trash pic but I had to share. These are dead flies stuck to fly tape I put in the trash cupboard. There are SO many flies at the beach house. We leave our doors open all day because... we like the beach breeze and it's hot and there's no screen and no AC. The flies congregate by the kitchen, mostly by the trash. I clean that kitchen all the time to eliminate the flies and it helps. But wow, this is impressive. This was over two weeks but still. crazy.

This is Winter sitting on Bill. He's way too nice to her. We've been talking to Winter about personal space. I think I've mentioned that she loves boys and men. I would say she's kind of boy crazy. She's also super affectionate. So lately we've had to make rules for her. When you want to hug someone, ask for their permission, don't just attack-hug them. And then count to 3 and let go. Don't hang on them until they have to pry your body off of theirs. She rarely remembers but it's a process I think.  

I take about 100 pics of this kid a day. Who can help it when she looks like this? 

This is Lt. Dan. named after the paraplegic from Forrest Gump. He's got no legs. Our upstairs neighbor at the beach puts this guy in his front seat when commuting so he can ride in the carpool lane. Sneaky. He's pretty real looking. The girls found him one day when we were in the garage. They were like, "Mom! There's someone in the car!" Dan and I looked and sure enough there was. We told the guy that the girls found his dummy and he was embarrassed because of it's purpose. But then, he had some fun with it and left him in the bike trailer to scare the girls. They loved it.  

Me and Angus. I was too lazy to put sunscreen on a 4th child so I just used the bjorn, my hooter hider and a hat instead. Worked great.  

Beach selfies with the girls. 

A nice stranger saw me taking pics and offered to take one of us. (Dan was staying with the napping babies) 

When we got back into town the day we left the beach it was kind of funny to see a familiar vagrant (that's what Dan calls homeless people) crossing the street in front of me. I had to snap a pic. Beautiful Azusa. I do love this guy. And I love that he has the American flag propped up on his shopping cart. Very patriotic.

Back to life! 

Forget dangerous things like light sockets and choking hazards. In a matter of a few minutes, Addie tried to feed Angus cereal, stomp on his head but was intercepted by mama, then she laid on his head slightly suffocating him and Angus was again saved by mama. You're welcome Angus. I refuse to keep him up on tables and out of Addie's reach. His first 4 months were spent above ground. I need to let him practice rolling and stuff. Pretty risky though...

Here's a pic of Winter multitasking. Eating a strawberry while feeding "Black Baby" under the nursing cover... but she's using a bottle. 

Mya continues to impress me with her determination and confidence. Okay this is a silly example but today she asked me about this outfit that matches her doll's outfit she got a couple of years ago for her birthday. I told her it was in storage in one of the bags or boxes and no way did I have the desire to go hunting for it. So that little stinker waited until I was feeding Angus and found it in about 5 minutes. If you saw our storage you would be impressed too. Well here:

No idea where she found both the skirt AND shirt but she did. She was like, no big deal. It was in a box. She's going to be like my neighbor April who can buy anything from Ikea and assemble it perfectly on the first try. Go Mya. I'm going to ignore the fact that I told her not to go looking for it.

I love the way Addie says fishies. She calls them sheeshees. Every time we go up the stairs, she says bubye sheeshees and does a cute little wave. Ugh, too cute that one. 

We've entered pigtailhood! So excited to fit all of the hair into pigtails. 

Love these feet!! (Angus's) 

The first time they all watched TV together. It didn't last long but it was really nice.  

Heard around here lately: 

Winter: "Mom! Don't flush the toilet! I wanna to see what color my poopoo is!"

Me: Mya, tell Mari thanks for dinner.
Mya: Thanks for dinner Mari...even though I actually didn't eat any.

Winter: Hey mommy if Mary and Joseph (Jesus' parents) had a skunk baby they'd say ah! A skunk! Get off me! Get off me!

Mya: You know, I actually like playing with Winter! 

Mya: Mom do you feed Angus cow milk or soy milk from your boobies?

Winter: Daddy! Addie is drawing on Angus!