left at door

Winter and I went to Target the other day. As we roamed the aisles and passed the bike section, she shared the following thought. "When I get big like you mommy I'm gonna have a big bike like yours and Daddy's. Yeah, I wanna be big cuz I don't wanna be a kid. I just can't listen."

This little confession from winter was funny at first then broke my heart a little. I hugged her and told her it was okay because nobody is perfect. Nobody listens all the time. 

I don't know how many times I yell at the girls each day and stress that they are not listening to me. It must get old trying to behave every day then getting yelled at when you're failing miserably because your just 5 and far from perfect.

I don't know if it's just lately or since I've been a mom but I feel like I'm failing miserably at 34 as well. Every night I am frustrated because I can't keep my anger in check. I can't stop yelling. I sound like an addict or something. 

Last night was especially bad. We came in from playing outside and everyone immediately started whining, crying, asking questions about dinner and just really giving me all they had in the annoying kid department. Mya begged for mac and cheese like she does every night. Angus had to be held like he does every night around dinner time. And Winter hugged Addie too tight and wouldn't let go which caused Addie to make the most annoying sound I've ever heard. Well, that's not true. I hear it every night. And it didn't help that the dogs were outside jumping up on the sliding glass door wanting to be fed.

I think I'm a little stressed out from doing extra holiday related stuff on top of my already full load and I'm living right next to the edge of losing it. And as a result, being the mature adult that I am, I yelled at everyone for about 5 minutes. I went on a raving lunatic mommy rant. I slammed cupboard doors then I yelled some more. Meanwhile the bug guy that sprays the outside of our house was knocking on our door to drop off the paper that tells us what he did. Usually we sign it and keep the copy but I must have scared him off because he just gave it to Mya and left. I didn't even hear the doorbell, what with all the yelling. Mya just brought me the paper and told me some guy gave it to her. So what did I do? I yelled at her for answering the door without asking. I have no idea what that guy heard but I'm sure it wasn't pleasant. I looked at the paper and where it said, "customer signature" he wrote the words, left at door. It kind of makes me laugh now. He was like, I'm not gonna ask that psycho for anything. I'm just going to give it to this poor little innocent girl and shut the door. 

All I could think of when I went to sleep that night was that my poor kids didn't deserve to be treated that way. They are young and yes they can be naughty but I'm the mommy. I'm supposed to set a good example. They will never know what the fruits of the spirit are because I can't seem to get my act together. I shouldn't have had so many kids so close together because I can't handle them. What was I thinking?

But then I said a prayer and begged God for forgiveness and prayed for all the things I wished I could be for my kids. Then I was reminded that the bible is full of failures that God used to do his work. But it wasn't until they trusted Him with everything and stayed in close communication with Him that they started to succeed. I know I need to start my day with God. I know I need to ask for help before I start the day, not forgiveness after I've lost control. 

I wasn't even going to blog tonight because I didn't want to sound negative.  But this is real life. This is my life. I'm a mom. A very imperfect one. But I have hope. I love New Year's. It's so fresh and new and clean. I'm not really one for resolutions but I definitely will be praying that I can love my kids better in 2016 and see them the way God does every day. I want to be a fun mommy that enjoys her job and a godly mommy that displays what it looks like to have Jesus in your heart. I'm not fond of that mean mommy that yells a lot. I would like to leave her at the door of 2015. I love that I can do that. 

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come."

2 Corinthians 5:17

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me."

Psalm 51:10

Cheers to the New Year!

good-bye december

December has flown by as it usually does. A few things as the year ends. I thought I would share some pics to add to the December 2015 posts. I forgot to include Wendy's awesome elf on the shelf ideas that put mine to shame. 

She played poker with a sock monkey, the Cheshire cat and a naked Barbie... strip poker? Who knows. Barbie is obviously not a good poker player. Also, Sparkle is quite the artist. 

And I thought I would get pics of all of our Christmas decorations. Most of them were my Grandma's. She gave them to me one Christmas when she decided it was too much work to decorate. She told me to go through the Christmas stuff and see if I wanted anything. She didn't have to ask me twice!

This crazy reindeer used to sing up on the housetop. I think the battery got rusted or something. It no longer works. =(

A nativity =)

Grandma made this! I think Grandpa made the sled. I'll have to ask mom to be sure. 

This guy used to walk and jingle his bell. Not any more. Now he just stands there looking a tad creepy. Love him.

This one works still unfortunately. Drives me crazy. Sings Grandma got ran over by a reindeer. 

This precious thing plays a jewelry box sounding Christmas song when you turn it. I love it. It's super old.

This little wooden Mary and Joseph and baby Jesus was made by a mom friend at church for our craft boutique. It was too awesome. I had to swipe it before anyone else could get it. It's okay. I paid for it.

This was Dan's mom's Nativity. It has a catholic feel which I appreciate. 

This reindeer showed up this year in a box. I must have purchased it last year. 

I made these last year from wine bottles remember?!

This is the girls' tree... if you couldn't tell.

Stockings... we're just about out of room. The dogs got pushed off to the side this year. They didn't get anything this year. Poor guys.

Pillows and stuffed animals.

My friend Stacy made this! It's awesome. I love it. We have too much mail for it unfortunately. Maybe I'll have her make another one! =) 

This is where the rest of our Christmas cards were displayed. And the girls' Christmas artwork.

Happy birthday Winter!!

Winter is five! It's a weird thought that five years ago, she wasn't in my world. I didn't know her. She was just a kick in my giant belly. Just five years ago.

Winter has come along way from that crazy 2-year-old that used to write on the wall with sharpies and try to drown friends in the swimming pool. She's actually a well adjusted little child for the most part. Dan and I were talking about the fact that currently, she is our easiest kid. WINTER! I know, nuts. She is always happy, affectionate and obedient, when pointed in the right direction. She is naturally curious and hard headed so to someone new, I could see how they would think she was a tad naughty. But she's actually pretty good when corrected. Just a quick smack in the bum and it's over. No drama, no tantrums.

You can tell that she's like a wild horse that's been broken in. I think I used that analogy last year. But I don't think she had been broken in yet. She still has that wild look in her eye and you definitely have to keep an eye on her but she knows her boundaries for the most part.

Winter is my little story teller. She can tell a whopper. And she's pretty convincing. She tells her BFF Gracie big stories all the time and Grace always comes to me to get the real story. Yesterday, she said, "Miss Amie, is Winter really getting a purple tortoise for her birthday?" =)

She's currently in pre-K where she has learned to write her name...and Mya's for some reason. She's writing numbers and letters and doing very well. Her big loves are cooking and animals. She's kind of a foodie thanks to Dad. She prefers sashimi over sushi and chows down on steak and shrimp when given the chance. Oh and gnawing on lamb bones is up there too. Gross.

Winter is kind of a walking contradiction. She loves playing in the mud, examining bugs and is usually dirty. But she is always wearing a dress. Rain or shine, she is dressed to the nines. She just learned to ride her bike without training wheels...in heels. I don't know why my girls are so fancy. I'm not at all. But I love that they are. 

I love that Winter is super feisty. When crossed, she'll let you know what she thinks. She has no problem telling me that I'm the worst mommy ever but if I go give her a hug she gives me a bigger one and won't let go. She's SUPER affectionate. Right now we are working on quicker hugs. She tends to attach herself to whoever she's hugging, especially teenage boys. She's a lot of 5-year-old that's for sure. She is not shy. She is headstrong, courageous, happy, silly, imaginative and beautiful. I love you my Winter baby. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

relaxation

I never knew how amazing the spa was until I desperately wanted to take a shower in peace or better yet a bath. Throw in a massage? Heaven. I would be happy just sitting in a room alone with a couch and my phone. Dan asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I couldn't think of anything. I told him to make me a coupon book filled with coupons for things like an hour to myself while he watches the kids or sleeping in. I ask for that every year. It has yet to happen. It's a big commitment, those coupons. I get it. 

So when my friend Kady who is carrying twin baby girls asked me if I wanted to go to the spa with her so she could use her gift card, I was like uh YEAH! That's exactly what I wanted for Christmas. Dan agreed and off we went. There are so many lovely things about spas. The smells, the cleanliness, the many relaxing things to choose from, the way they ask you if you need anything at all... awesome. 

I love that they have everything you need. I mean everything. And if you don't see it, chances are they have it in the back just in case. My day at the spa this time included a relaxation massage followed by a dip in the jacuzzi followed by a long uninterrupted shower. I appreciated that it wasn't my shower at home that usually has dirty corners that distract me and make me feel like I am failing in the house keeping department. Even their body wash was amazing. And just because I could, I blow dried my hair. I don't think I've done that since Angus was born. I could have curled it too because they had curling irons but that felt like a bit much. I had to get home and feed Angus. I got a survey in my email. I gave them 10's across the board. (The two in the N/A category are because I booked online, not on the phone)

whew

Well it finally happened. I forgot to move the damn elf. However, I remembered as the girls were going downstairs so I was able to save the morning and Christmas altogether. I yelled at them to go back to their rooms and get dressed for school. Mya whined, "I want to see where the elf is!" And in my drunken morning stupor I yelled back, "No go get dressed!" I grabbed sparkle and frantically looked for a funny clever space to put her and could not think of a single thing. I was sleep deprived and just woke up anyway so I settled on this. Lame.

Feeling like the worst elf on the shelf mom ever, I spent all morning on Pinterest looking for new ways to hide sparkle so that the girls will be filled with delight every morning until Christmas. That's the goal. Isn't that what Christmas is all about anyway? No! It's not supposed to be about that at all. How did I get wrapped up in this whole elf business? Okay, clearly elf on the shelf is of the devil. Next year I will have to combine the elf with the birth of baby Jesus somehow…

crazy december

I completely forgot about blogging for over a week. I mean completely until today. So I'm staying up late, loading uncropped, unedited pictures in an attempt to capture some of December before it slips away into the abyss of unblogged memories and 2015 has ended without a single good-bye. So here is the last 9 days in a nutshell...ish.

More Elf-on-the-shelfing. I have come close to forgetting so many times. Sometimes I wake up in a cold sweat around 11:00 and realize I didn't move the elf. One time I woke up at 5:00AM and moved him. Who thought of this torturous little game? I'm running out of ideas!

Dan did this one. I woke up and realized I hadn't moved him and Dan was such a good husband. He went downstairs and did this:

I had a deep cleaning. Fun. So daddy got a turn watching little man. He sent these to me at the dentist. sweet.

We let the girls help decorate the tree this year. They set a record I'm sure for the most ornaments on one branch. 

Managed to run over a bicycle break pad thingy and it punctured a fairly impressive whole in the tire. So I got to ride with a nice tow truck man to Just Tires where they totally overcharged me to plug the tire because I'm a girl. That's what Dan says. I thought $20 was pretty reasonable... guess not. 

We had our HUB Christmas party. I LOVE these people. We laugh, cry and pray together every Wednesday. They've become our little family. No one is looking at the camera because there were like 5 husbands taking the picture at the same time. 

And we hosted our annual family Christmas party again. I LOVE these people too! They're the best family. I actually like them all a lot. Every single one of them. I love how every year we grow a little more as we are joined by significant others and babies.  

That's it for now. I'll take some pics of the house decked out in Christmas cheer and post it soon.

driving mommy crazy

It's one of those mom things you can't fully understand until you have experienced it. The dreaded car ride with a screaming baby. Do you pull over and nurse him? You just have 10 minutes until you get to your destination. Why stop when you're almost there? 

There is nothing that rattles me more than a screaming baby while I'm driving. You can't do anything but drive and listen to the increasingly panicked screams. It sounds like the baby's head is going to explode or something. It's awful. Thank goodness Angus is a good traveler for the most part. 

Addie was not. It was pretty much a guarantee that she would cry the whole way, wherever we were going. My friend Elizabeth who enjoys the single life of eating out and sleeping in was in the car with me one time and experienced Addie's early car protests. She started out with a whimper, then a little louder, then a cry, then a full on cry, then a scream... and it only took like 5 minutes to get to that full on scream. Elizabeth commented with, "Hmmm so she just gets louder huh?" haha yep. She just gets louder. 

Well she's grown out of that. She still yells at me (usually when she drops something) but rarely screams in tears. Angus is soooo good in the car. He pretty much falls asleep everywhere we go. Even if he's hungry. He's always hungry. But every once in a while we will be coming home late at night and he will start to cry and his cry will turn into a scream. Addie doesn't seem to mind. One time his scream sounded like a high pitched growl. So she started roaring back at him in her best tiger growl. Rooooaarrr, roooaaarrrr! I thought, what a freaking circus. Sometimes, Winter yells, "Mommy, Angus is crying! He needs milk!" Thanks Winter. 

Last time he had a scream attack, Addie started yelling at him. In between screams she would yell, "Buddy!" That's what she calls Angus. She's trying to say brother. Cute I know. So over and over, the whole way home I would hear the screaming baby followed by "BUDDY!" At least it kept me awake. Waaaaahhh!!! Waaaahhhh!! BUDDY! Waaaaahhhh!! Waaaaahhhh!! BUDDY!

our new friend

I'm quickly gaining mom points this Christmas season. I purchased an Elf On The Shelf for Mya after she begged me non stop... starting last year around December 1st. She had one in her classroom and would report to me as soon as I picked her up where the elf was hiding that day. I have never seen her more excited about something before. I tried to burst her bubble and tell her it wasn't a real elf (I know, horrible) but she insisted that the elf in her classroom WAS real and would not be persuaded otherwise. 

So this year after several NO's Mya finally got her way and we picked one out at Target. She asked if she could open it and I let her. She carried it around the whole day while we ran errands. Some little boy informed us that we were not supposed to touch her or she would lose her magic. Wups, didn't know that. He told me to read the book that came with her. Thanks dude. Mya was nearly in tears. I assured her that our elf was the new improved girl version that had extra powers and that little boy had no idea what he was talking about. 

So when we got home, Mya started looking through the book and asked me, "Mom is this Spanish?" I took a look and sure enough, "Una Tradicion Navidena." Ugh, double wups. Now I would not know the rules and would do it all wrong. Mari came to my rescue as usual and loaned me their English copy. Whew. 

I screwed up again before we read the book and wrote a note from the Elf signed Samantha. I've always liked that name. I didn't know the kids were supposed to pick a name. Man, this Elf stuff is no joke. It's serious business. Who reads the book before they start playing with the toy? So, I told the girls they could pick a new name for her. And that would be Sparkle. What else would a 4 and 6 year old girl pick for a name?

I still get lots of good mom points for doing this whole thing. We are going on night 3 and I just may be getting in to it just as much as the kids. The first night, Sparkle made a lego chair to sit on. The second night, she dressed up in Barbie clothes and took a nap in Barbie's bed. Last night, she got into the hair bows. Okay I'm totally loving this. 

I sent Sparkle to big sis Wendy's house with Mya and Winter. They're having a sleepover. We'll see what Auntie Wendy does with it. I have a feeling it will be awesome.