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I have a few worst nightmare scenarios. My first involves anything with bees and bee stings and being trapped with bees or bees in my hair... you get it. The second is a giant earthquake hits in the middle of the night and Dan's at work because of course he would work when something like this happens. And I have to grab the kids and get them to safety... all four. And the third is being stranded on the side of the road with all the kids in the summer waiting for a tow truck... and of course Dan's at work. Obviously these things are not the worst things that could happen but they are realistic to me. They may actually happen... at least that's what I tell myself.

So yesterday, we had a cleaning crew come to the house because well, I never ever ever deep clean. Ever. I have never used my mop or the toilet bowl cleaner. Not even sure where those are. There's no way to keep up with the laundry and dishes and poopie diapers and getting snacks and trying to please whining toddlers or fussy babies. There's just no way. I digress. So we had a cleaning crew come to the house today. We do it about twice a year when the filth starts taking over and growing new filth. Ahhhhhh so happy when they come. If you need someone, let me know. My girl is THE BEST. She makes my toaster oven look brand new... and who knew my sink was white?

So anyway I try to stay out of the way, so I left when they got there at 8:00AM. We tried to go to McDonald's even though Dan made me swear I'd never take the kids there. He hates that place with a passion. But I couldn't think of another breakfast place so off we went to McD's only it was bulldozed to the ground. So I tried another one but that one's drive thru was closed so we hit up Farmer Bro's next door. Yum. Seriously good breakfast if you haven't tried it. Quality food.

Then off to the park for a couple of hours with other mamas from church. It helps to have a mom posse when you're a mom. It's hard to do this mom thing without one. After that, we went to the library for about an hour. The babies were getting super cranky so we headed home. I stopped for lunch at In 'N' Out, my favorite establishment. How do they do it? I'll never know. After In 'N' Out we got gas because I'm always out of gas.

I'm not sure why I feel the need to tell you every detail in this day but I do...  All the shaded spots were taken at the gas station so I had to park in a sunny one. It was only about 100 degrees outside but I really needed gas. I debated on waiting for a shady spot but decided to just park in the sun. It would only be for 5 minutes. The kids can hang for 5 minutes in a hot car. And they had In 'N' Out. No problem. So I happily pumped my gas, looking in the window, making faces at my happy children chowing down on cheeseburgers and happy Angus slumbering away. I finished pumping, got back in the car and turned the key... nothing. Click. I laughed and said, haha no way this is happening. I tried again. Click. S#!t S#!t double S#!t! This isn't happening. I could feel the beads of sweat dripping down my forehead. It was hot.


A few bitmoji's come to mind...

(I'm totally obsessed with my Bitmoji ap. It's the greatest thing since smart phones. It allows me to express my feelings in pictures, which is way more fun than words)

Anyway, so the happy kids quickly turned into insanely hot, insanely bored, panicked kids. What's happening mom?! What are we going to do mom?! I'm soooooo hot mom! Not helping.

So I called AAA, then I called MMMari. Good ol' Mari! She totally saved me. Grabbed all the kids, took them home and left me to handle the "deader than dead battery." That's what the guy said. So dead it wouldn't even hold a charge. So I got a new battery and got back home just in time to pay the cleaning crew, put Addie down for her nap and plop down on the couch with a dazed look on my face. No wonder I'm so tired all the time. BUT my house is soooooo clean!!!

pool

I have spent more time in my Grandma's pool than any other place I can think of. Every summer growing up I pretty much lived in that pool. I learned to swim in that pool. My brother and sister and cousin and I would play mermaids (and mermen) and tea parties and scuba divers and store... It was there that I learned how to do a flip off of the diving board and got my first bee sting. So many good times and fun memories happened there. My big brother had crazy parties where he and his friends would blast Guns N' Roses and jump off the hot roof into the pool. It's about 50 years old so I'm sure it's seen lots of crazy stuff. It's fun to see my kids enjoy it now. My grandma isn't around anymore but I can still hear her yelling at us for screaming. "The neighbors are going to think you're drowning!" She'd say. The girls and I swam in it today. How fun to see the next generation jump off that diving board. 

Yosemite 2016

Dan took the girls on our annual Yosemite (Saddlebag Lake) camping trip again. I opted not to go with the babies for the 2nd year in a row. I truly love it up there. I mean seriously, it's one of my favorite spots. But just not worth it with a one and two year old. A 6 hour road trip followed by extremely cold temps, Winter puking from altitude sickness, Angus waking up at 4:00AM and no way to heat up a bottle. Throw in a couple of farting dogs... no thank you. I'm serious. Otter has some serious intestinal issues. Farts 24/7.

Dan wants the girls to love camping so he buys them all kinds of junk food and treats for the trip. It works. It's totally their favorite part about camping. He comes home from the store and the girls start squealing, LUNCHABAAAAAALES!!! CAPRISUUUUUUUNS!!!! I know, that's like regular kid food but they never get it around here.

So off they went. I took this pic of them as they left Sunday morning. There is no reception or any way for Dan to reach me until he's heading back home Wednesday so it's kind of crazy. It's the only time I've ever gone more than 24 hours without contact with my husband and kids.

So I waited 3 long days and finally the phone rang late Wednesday morning and I was able to hear all about the trip. Winter got altitude sickness again (4th year in a row). Dan planned on giving her some medicine to prevent it before bed Sunday night but she beat him to the punch and puked after dinner. Wups. Dan got sick Monday night/Tuesday morning. But other than that, they had a great time. Dan's buddy from work and his family met him up there and helped with the kids A LOT. The girls came back super dirty and covered in mosquito bites but they had a blast. They mostly fished, ate yummy food and sat around campfires. 

weddings

I love weddings. Who doesn't? Well Winter doesn't I guess. Dan and I took the big girls to a wedding last weekend. We left the babies at home. We don't like to be outnumbered if possible. It was Winter's first wedding, and Mya's 2nd. She was a flower girl when she was four. Winter asked when we were going to go home about 5 minutes after the bride walked down the aisle. Mya asked if the bride and the pastor were going to kiss... Not sure what that was about.

As we were waiting for the wedding party to finish taking pictures, Winter came up and showed me a paper airplane with frosting on the tip. "Hey mom, I accidentally flew my airplane into one of those cakes over there... can I lick it off?" She says. Appreciating that she asked permission and told me about the incident, I replied with, "Sure, please fly your airplane over there instead." Of course she flew her plane into the wedding cake. I mentioned it to the mother of the bride who made the cake but she didn't seem to care. I think the kids may have outnumbered the adults... so maybe airplanes in the cake was expected?

After the wedding, and the food was served, there was music and dancing which the girls loved. We had to pry them off of the dance floor to go home.

Now the girls of course reenact the wedding. They walk down the aisle, kiss each other then giggle hysterically. And Mya tells me every day that she wants a bridesmaid dress just like the girls wore at the wedding. She even found the perfect one online for the bargain price of $200.

I didn't get a pic of them at the wedding... not sure why. Sometimes I just like to live in the moment. Okay total lie. Just forgot about the phone and pics for the day. Not a horrible thing I guess. Anyway, I don't like to blog without a pic so here's one of the two of them I took yesterday =) Winter is looking mighty tan and Mya... not so much.

fitness friday - abundant harvest organics

I just started ordering through this awesome little organization. It is all local farmers' produce that is picked Monday and you pick it up the following Tuesday. It's $25 (five dollars extra for home delivery) for a small box that comes with all of this. I don't work for the company or anything but I love it and thought I should spread the word. 

I like it because I'm supporting local farmers, the produce is awesome quality, it's organic and it's easy to pick up. I just drive down the street to a church parking lot with the kids in tow, grab my box and go. Easy easy. 

I don't know where they distribute but the one I signed up for is in Glendora. The produce changes a little bit every week and it's so fun to see what you get. This week I got kale, lettuce, tomatoes, summer squash, cucumber, watermelon, plums, sweet corn, basil, and onion. 

Sign up at abundantharvestorganics.com or contact me and I'll put you in touch with a rep who can help you get started. 

balls and the fish drawer

A bigger part of my day than one would think is spent retrieving balls that have rolled under the couch. Why did I ever let any balls that are smaller than a cantaloupe enter my house? All they do is roll under the couch. All the time. And this guy is the ball's number one fan by far. He loves balls. I guess it's a boy thing. Tennis balls are his favorite. So I can't get rid of them. That would just be cruel. So I throw them in the kitchen far away from the couch but somehow they make their way back to their favorite spot and there I am, once again retrieving balls under the couch... It's not easy either. I have to get out the horse on a stick... you know the one you ride on? It's an old school toy the girls love. It's perfect for retrieving things under the couch like sippie cups, legos, blocks, barbie shoes... balls. We should just cut off the legs so that the couch sits on the floor.

...but who can resist this face? Not me.

When Angus is not rolling balls under the couch, he also enjoys going through the "fish drawer." That's the drawer in the kitchen where Dan keeps all of his fish tank stuff. I'm not really sure what all is in there actually but Angus loves it. Dan hates it. I think it's kind of important to him that it not be all messed up and broken but... what are you gonna do? It makes Angus happy. And in the afternoon not much makes him happy. When he wakes up from his afternoon nap he's just about the grumpiest person ever. So I open the fish drawer and he's happy. Have at it little man. 

June is over? Julying

Hahahaha, best joke I've seen on Instagram in a while.

Here we are Julying:

At Yogurtland... The girls call it Icecreamland. They aren't convinced it's yogurt.

They look more like sisters every day. They are still besties. 

I spend most mornings on the couch drinking coffee while Angus plays happily by himself before his sisters come down and wreak havoc. Yes he's playing with a doll. I'm not worried. He usually throws the dolls then makes a grunting barking sound. 

The magic swing that sometimes is the only thing that will make him happy after 4PM.

Addie's giant belly. This is a result of not wanting to go poopoo in the potty. So she saves it all up in there until she has no choice. Sorry. Overshare?

Good thing we have this water table so the kids can come outside and play for 2 seconds...

...then they make their way to the dog bowls where they spend about an hour dumping them out and filling them up. Totally fine with me. 

This 4th of July was the weirdest quietest one yet. There were only 2 or 3 families here out of like 20 who usually stick around to celebrate. But good ol' Melissa and Alan didn't disappoint. They cooked enough meat to feed the whole neighborhood. My mom came over but she's vegan so she didn't really help with the eating of the meat... obviously. We had a great time though. Dan was supposed to have it off but was forced to work. Oh well, life of a firefighter wife I guess. So I hung the flag and dressed up in red white and blue. I told the girls to do the same. Winter chose pink, white and blue cuz it's prettier. And Addie was pretty much naked all day. But Angus looked cute!

And I put on my new shades from Forever 21 I purchased for $5. Don't I look 21?

Melissa took all of these pics. She's the neighborhood photographer.

Best picture of the day. She's like a cat/frog. 

Winter does not like loud noises so she didn't stay out for the street fireworks. 

chokester

Mya is afraid of puke. I think I've mentioned that before. She was traumatized buy the first time winter had the stomach flu and was up all night puking every hour or so. Mya couldn't sleep through the night for weeks after that. Now, if she here's someone gagging or choking her brain goes back to that terrifying night. Angus chokes on his saliva once or twice a day and starts gagging and of course his big sister is not concerned with the fact that he can't breathe but runs away and plugs her ears just in case he starts to vomit. In her defense it has happened a few times. 

I've gotten used to it and don't really freak out anymore when he can't breathe. I just pick him up and he relaxes and starts breathing normal again. It's so sweet that he feels so safe and relaxed in my arms. Man I love that little guy so much! 

So below, Angus is crying because he was playing with one of the dogs and the dog moved and he almost fell backward... almost. Yeah that's what babies cry about. And so I started to take pictures of him because he looked so pathetic. His cry turned into choking and gagging as it often does. So I quickly took a picture to document it and then picked him up so he could breathe again. Please don't call CPS. I'm a really good mom.

I posted this first pic on Facebook the other day because it is just the best picture of Angus crying that I think I'll ever get. And the outfit, the best. So, all of his clothes are upstairs and his pants got wet so I grabbed a pair of pants in the diaper bag because that's how lazy I am. That's why he's wearing this awesome striped outfit. Wish I could blame it on Mya but I'm all about the honesty around here.

Funny right?

guilt free summer

GUILT GUILT GUILT. It's like a cancer that eats away at my heart. I know I've always experienced guilt, but it was more like having a conscience. It was a healthy guilt that kept me on the straight and narrow... for the most part =). But these days it takes over my life. Mom guilt is the worst. And when summer is in full swing, so is my mom guilt. I think it probably peaks around July. This morning I was realizing that my mom guilt is not a healthy guilt. It is not helpful and it is unnecessary. And although it will probably never go away completely (and it probably shouldn't) it's time to reel it in a bit.

So, I'm writing myself a letter that a good friend might write to assure me that I'm doing my best and that's good enough. Of course there are always areas where I can improve but I should not feel bad when I don't. I am a work in progress, and any feelings of inadequacy are not coming from the right place. I believe the devil is crafty and uses any way possible to make us feel bad.

So here's a letter to me from me. But if you are where I am (as many of you are), it is a letter to you too.

Dear tired mama,

You do not need to feel guilty for anything. You have continuously prayed for wisdom and patience and your Heavenly Father has heard your prayers. You have come a long way from where you started 7 years ago and The Holy Spirit is still working on you. Keep up the good work and don't let the devil tell you that you are a bad mom, ever.

Don't feel guilty when you feed your kids meals that lack nutrition. Don't feel guilty when you warm up Angus's bottle in the microwave instead of the bottle warmer. Don't feel guilty when all the veggies go bad because you haven't used them. Your kids are happy and healthy. Keep trying to fit in those veggies when you can but don't stress it if it doesn't happen.

Don't feel guilty when you sit on the couch and stare at the growing pile of dishes or laundry. You are tired. You are more tired than you have ever been. It's amazing that you get anything done at all.

Don't feel guilty when you blog instead of fold laundry. You deserve to do something you enjoy. Everyone needs some me time.

Don't feel guilty when you watch TV instead of reading a constructive parenting book. Sometimes there is not any mental energy left to read and comprehend anything. It's okay to simply watch TV.

Don't feel guilty when you take a nap instead of work out. You need rest. You will not have any energy to work out anyway. And if you do, it will make you more tired than you already are. In this season, you need to put sleep before fitness.

Don't feel guilty for not doing fun things with your kids because most of those fun things just sound like hell with a one and two year old in tow. There will be time for those things later. Right now, your sanity is more important than a ride on the Metro or a trip to the zoo. And your kids are having fun just being kids. You're the only one that cares about what they're missing. They have no idea.

Don't feel guilty when you forget a birthday or an important event. You have a lot on your plate. You are raising 4 tiny human beings. And they require every single braincell you've got.

Don't feel guilty that you haven't read the bible in months. God knows your heart. He loves you either way. It makes him happy to see you pour into your children and teach them about Him when you see an opportunity. It makes Him happy that you listen to praise music in the morning before your ears get tired and you can't listen to music anymore. It makes Him happy to hear their prayers before they eat. There will be time soon when you can get up early and read your bible. But for now, just remember that God loves you just as you are. He is not expecting anything from you. He is simply here, waiting with open arms anytime you can squeeze in a 5 minute devotional or a 2 minute prayer.

Don't feel guilty for losing touch with friends. You are putting your family first after all. They should come first. You will have a chance to reconnect again in the next season of life when the kids are all in school and you can meet for lunch.

Don't feel guilty for not being able to give much back to others who are always helping you. Soon you will be able to help them. But now, at this time, take all the help that you can get.

Don't feel guilty for choosing housework over your kids. They are good at laying on the guilt. Your family needs clean underwear and clean forks. Your husband doesn't deserve to live in a pigsty and neither do you.

Don't feel guilty for choosing your kids over housework. They need you too. Sometimes it is okay to lay on the couch and watch Daniel Tiger with your two-year-old. Find a balance between the kids and the housework. There is not enough of you to do everything. Do what you can and don't feel bad about what you simply cannot do.

Don't feel guilty for not being able to give your husband all the attention he deserves. He's not going anywhere. He loves you. And one day you will have nothing but time together.

Don't feel guilty for yelling at your kids. You apologized. They forgave you. Move on and try not to do it next time. You have done really well lately. I have noticed the times when your first reaction would be to yell and throw something but you held your temper and spoke in a calm voice. Well done! Keep trying and keep praying about it.

Don't feel bad for being imperfect in all areas of life. You are a human being. You are a sinner. Jesus died for you so you can be perfect in heaven with Him one day. Until then, do your best, lean on Him and forgive yourself.

Love Always,
Amie