train up a child

I had an epiphany today. I was thinking about how I saw a mom in Target correcting her child in a way that I never would. At the time I thought, "You're doing it wroooong..." What a self-righteous thought!

Lately I have been at a loss when it comes to disciplining Winter. I keep trying to figure out the right way to correct her; the right way to punish her. Since I see no progress, I keep racking my brain, trying to figure out why. Do I need to be nicer? Do I need to be meaner? Do I need to spank her more? Should I be more encouraging? More positive? Does she need more hugs? A bedtime story perhaps? What am I doing wrong?

The answer is simple. Nothing. I'm doing nothing wrong. I've decided that as long as I am correcting her in a way that I think is right, I'm doing the right thing. It doesn't matter how I'm doing it as long as I am doing it.

Everyone has their own way of correcting their children. There isn't one right way to do it. There isn't a secret formula that results in well behaved kids. I'm sure there are books out there that have lots of great tips to help your kids listen but that tends to make me think that my kid is a problem that needs to be solved.

I would love for her to just get it and be good. But that's not going to happen any time soon. I think I spend so much time being embarrassed that my child is so defiant; cringing at the thought that other moms must think I'm such a bad mom and wonder themselves what I'm doing wrong. 

And I'm just stressing myself out trying to figure out how to "fix" her so that she doesn't embarrass me anymore. She doesn't need to be fixed. She's perfect the way God created her. And He created me to be her mom. My job is to mold her a bit as she grows in Christ. 

I think a good analogy would be if I were to place a jagged rock with lots of sharp corners into a steady stream. It would probably look the same the next day and maybe even the next month, but with time, that rock is going to change and eventually become smooth.

Thinking back, I don't remember specific words my mom said to teach me to be nice to my brother, obey her and put others first. In fact, I learned a lot by following her example. These are ideas, concepts, a way of thinking. I can't expect someone as hardheaded as Winter to grasp these things right away, especially when every fiber in her being wants to do the opposite. But as long as I keep reminding her, I have faith that she will grow up to be a considerate young lady someday. All I can do in the meantime is pray every day for wisdom and patience. God totally provides when I ask him.