sippy cup of shame

Mya and Winter now go to the same school, Stanton Elementary. Hallelujah, no more preschool drop offs with two babies in tow. All I have to do is drive up to the school and push the button to open the car door. They walk in all by themselves. So easy. I have been to a few schools in the area and the drop off situation is kind of a mess. I've always appreciated Stanton because it is very organized and safe. And that is because they have two car line people that take their job seriously and keep things running very smoothly. There is a car line guy that stands near one end of the line and a lady that stands near the other end. Sorry I don't know what else to call them. 

Well, this morning, something happened that resulted in this mom yelling at the car line lady.  

We've only done drop off with both girls a few times and we have some kinks to work out. It seems like it takes the girls forever to get out of the car. Nobody see's the urgency of the situation. They both hug and kiss me which is fine. Of course there is time for a quick kiss good-bye but then Addie wants a big long hug from Mya and Winter. She goes mmmm I yuv you sissy. Mmmm I yuv you Mya. How can you say no to that? 

As Mya and Winter were finally getting out of the car I heard Angus's sippy cup fall into the street by the curb. When Angus hears a door open, he likes to throw whatever he's holding out said door. Why? I don't know. Why not? I yelled to Mya to grab it but she didn't hear me. So I got out of the car to go get it and the car line guy told me to pull forward. Seriously? I just wanted to grab my brand-new sippy cup that arrived yesterday from Amazon. The only one that Angus will drink out of. But I complied, slightly annoyed, and got back in my car and started to move forward. 

Then the car line lady yelled at me "Pay attention! There's a car pulling out behind you!" I guess she thought I was leaving and was going to pull out too? But I wasn't. I was pulling forward like I was told to. I was being totally obedient. And yet she was yelling at me like I was doing something wrong. Irritation started to build. Then she yelled again. "Pay attention!" My irritation became anger. "I AM PAYING ATTENTION!" I yelled back and got out of the car, slammed the door, and marched over to go get my sippy cup that was sure to be smashed. The car line guy handed me my cup that he was nice enough to rescue for me. Thank you! I yelled with no smile and walked back to my car. Everything OK?! The car line lady asked. WHAT?! NO! UGH! I yelled in my meanest voice. Then I slammed my car door and left. 

As I was driving away I looked down at the sippy cup next to me. Tears started to well up. Shame on me. I totally just yelled at the car line lady. She was just doing her job. She was protecting the kids. My kids. She thought I was going to cause an accident. She didn't know that I was pulling forward to get my cup. I wanted to reverse and explain to her that I wasn't a crazy mean mom. 

I wanted her to understand that mornings were hard for me. I wanted her to know that Angus follows me around crying all morning because he wants to be held. I wanted her to know that Addie does not stop asking for cereal, water, crackers, yogurt, cookies, and everything else under the sun while the hungry dogs jump and pant outside the sliding glass door wanting to be fed. I wanted her to know that I have to remind the big girls 852 times to put their shoes on and put their water bottle in their backpack. I wanted to explain to her that I've never been a morning person like my happy neighbor Mark who always seems to be in a good mood no matter what. I wanted her to know that Dan was working a lot and I was hanging on by a thread.

But I couldn't explain. And now she thinks I'm a mean mom with attitude. Maybe she won't remember me, I thought. There are 30 dark grey Honda minivans at the school every morning. But wait. Mine is the only one that says in giant letters, FAITH, HOPE and LOVE on the back window. Why did I have to get that sticker? I wish there was a way to hide it when I'm feeling cranky. But I can't. People are always watching us Christians. We are supposed to be the light and salt. But it feels like lately I have been acting very dark and unsalted.

And I know exactly why. I haven't been starting my day with prayer. I haven't even glanced at my bible in the last 2 months. No wonder I'm acting like this. I'm trying to do this mom thing alone and that's just silly. 

I said a prayer then and there that God would help me get up early each morning to start my day with Him. Just 30 minutes before Angus wakes up. I can do that. And if it doesn't happen, even a quick prayer inviting the Holy Spirit into my heart would be a good start. 

I also decided that I'm going to have to apologize to the car line lady on Monday morning. And I think a donut may be in order. 

Update: I did go get donuts Monday morning. But there were two girls there and the guy was gone. I didn't remember which girl I had offended so I just thanked them for keeping the kids safe and gave them each a glazed donut. They were super excited and told me to have a great day... twice. =)