the secret

I've figured out the secret to a happy marriage. I know, I've only been married 6 years and I've already figured it out. Amazing right? Well, let me share what I've discovered. It's not complicated. Here it is:

Put God first, my husband second and my children third. Notice I am not putting myself before anyone here. This is really easy to say and really hard to actually do. In the first couple of years of marriage, I would have said that communication was the most important thing. Although it is important, super important, selflessness is key.

Some people argue that you need to take care of yourself first. This is a popular belief in non-christian circles... and some christian circles come to think of it. But I would like to talk to the spouses of these people and see how happy they really are. 

Think about it. If a husband and wife are putting each other first, that really leaves no room for hurt feelings, miscommunication, jealousy, and all the other arguments that commonly arise between couples. 

If I am putting Dan first, I am keeping the house clean, laundry done and generous with my love if you know what I mean. If he's putting me first, he is helping with the kids and giving me time to myself. If we are thinking about what is important to each other and making it a priority, we are both happy. 

I make it sound like we do this. We don't. But we try. Lately I have been sick with #4 so most of my time is spent doing what is absolutely needed like changing diapers, doing the dishes, and lying on the couch. Dan is left picking up the slack and doing an awesome job. But things are not ideal these days. It's a season.

Most of the time, I think we do pretty well together. But I think we both struggle with putting each other first. We are selfish by nature. It is hard work to practice a selfless kind of marriage but at least I've figured out the secret! We just need to practice...a lot.

I don't ever expect to have a perfect marriage. I know very Godly older couples who still struggle in their marriages but I'm sure they've come a long way from the early days.

There you have it. If you have a spouse, go forth and be selfless. Good luck! Maybe say a prayer first ;)